Insecurites

Hello friends, it's been ages.
I guess a quick re-cap on my life since last year...
Things have been better. I'm still the reigning Procrastimaster, and that does tend to cause lots of stress. But besides, life has been pretty good.

However

As of these last couple months I've been realizing something:
I am way insecure.
Not about everything, really just certain things.

(prepare for a rant)
(and here's a picture because I wanted to have a shmancy blog with pictures)

Acne.

I know people are all "Everyone has it", "You're still beautiful", and all that jazz. Which sometimes I like to believe them. 

But it's hard.

It's hard especially when you have to deal with people who just don't get it. I've had conversations with people, and watched their eyes move to my forehead and cheeks. I've had multiple people (mainly kids, but a couple people my own age as well) ask me "what's wrong with your face". 

What's wrong? I have cystic acne. It's bright red and it's there all the time. I have things to try and fix it, but it's a matter of staying consistent (which I'm quite horrible at).

Sometimes it doesn't matter. I have really great friends that encourage me, tell me that they don't notice - that they don't care. Which is great. 

But again, it's hard.
Most days I wake up, look at myself in the mirror, and want to never be seen again.
I'm ashamed of who I am, just because of a superficial blemish.

And I hate that.

It's not just me, though, I'm sure... I hope.
I'm sure that lots of people have insecurities that cause them to want to stay home all day.

And that's the thing. People never want to show the bad side of themselves, the ugly side, the vulnerable and insecure. People only post the good days. That's not a bad thing at all. But it can develop a facade of constant happiness and perfection. For those, like myself, who are ashamed of themselves on those bad days, seeing that constant happiness in others doesn't help. We feel like we have to live up to the expectations those facades give.

But that's okay, I think. I think what's important is not being afraid to be yourself, even if it is an ugly day. I do try my best to not think about my insecurities. They're there, and for the most part that doesn't matter.

Until it's pointed out.

But even then, I try to take a deep breath, and remember that I'm still me. I'm still a cool person worth knowing, even if I have a superficial blemish.

Because it's just that: superficial.

And that's okay.